Bad Golf

New Poll Reveals LPGA More Popular Than PGA

2011-11-07T11:01:00.000-08:00

Surprise findings in a new poll conducted by the Bad GolfBlog show that the LPGA tour is more popular than the PGA tour. Also revieled in the pollis that Yani Tseng is the most popular player on the LPGA tour. According tothe poll The Children’s Course (www.thechildrenscourse.org)located in Gladstone, Oregon is the best golf course in the world and the most popular male golfer is Yu Daddi.

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The Best Golf Tip a Bad Golfer Will Ever Get

2011-10-25T18:36:00.000-07:00

I’m hesitant to do this because I know my buddy Craig readsthis blog. For years he and I have been racing each other to be the first oneto break 100. Imagine, then, how difficult it was at the beginning of this yearwhen we played a quick nine after work (ok, at our skill levelthere’s really no such thing as a “quick nine” but we try). At the end of nine we were both below 50. We were on the rode our elusive sub-100 rounds. But we’d told our wives we were only playingnine and it was the first or second round of the year so we didn’t want to pushour luck. We just had to pack it in with visions of future rounds in our heads.This year I did manage to break 100 four times. But Craig didn’t. So, I’mhesitant to give out this tip, because I’ll be giving Craig my secret and it’sjust so much fun to tease him. But this is the Bad Golf blog, the blog allabout bad golfers and we need to stick together. So, without further ado, and at the risk of helping Craig with his golf game, hereit is: The best golf tip a bad golfer will ever get.

Oh, wait; there is more ado.

The reason I believe this is the best golf tip a bad golferwill ever get is this: I’ve been trying to break 100 for over fifteen years. I’vehad friends break 100 the first year they started playing. I’ve worked on mygrip, tempo, alignment, pre-swing routine, and relaxing. I’ve tried new clubs,multiple swing thoughts, and psychological tricks. I've focused practicing my shortgame and putting. I’ve tried “playing smart” and once, I even tracked down aGolf Magazine top 100 teacher and took a lesson with him out at Pumpkin Ridge. And even with all that, the 100mark remained as unobtainable as a straight answer from a politician. But this year Ifound it. I found the one thing to take me to the next level and I’m confidentnext year it will help me go even lower. That is why I'm declaring this the best golf tip a bad golfer will ever get. Because I've tried everything and this one simple tip is the one that did it.

Ok, seriously, that's enough ado, now here's the tip:

A Good Finish

I stumbled across this tip by accident. My six year olddaughter took lessons this year. I watched her swing progress and was veryimpressed with how quickly she improved. One thing I noticed was that theinstructor really emphasized the finish. Whenever she’d hit, no matter whatthe outcome of the shot was, a topped ball that dribbled a few feet in front ofher, or a ball blasted 80 yards down the fairway, she would always get to agood finish and hold it. Her instructor didn't teach her anything about the grip, tempo, alignment, relaxing, or happy rainbow unicorn swing thoughts. Nope. The emphasis was always on one thing and one thing only -- the finish.

The Results of a Good Finish

This made sense to me. If you finish off balance there’s noway you made a good swing. So I started focusing on my finish. My swing thoughtwas simple: “Back slow” as I started my swing (I tend to over swing), “good finish” as I swung down. I noticed an immediate difference. When I finished in balancethe odds of me hitting a good shot went way up; when I finished out ofbalance the odds of me hitting a good shot went way down. Focusing on my finish taught me a great deal about every shot. If I slid easily into the finish it was probably a good shot. If I was off balance to the left I probably sliced it. If I finished off balance backwards or forwards I probably topped it. Focusing on the finish and getting my balance down so I was finishing good made a huge difference. My consistence went way up, my scores went down. Suddenly, instead of hitting about 50% with my 7 iron I was about 80% and I was money with my 9 iron and pitching wedge. The next time I got on a course, boom, sub-100 was mine.

So there you have it -- my big tip. If you've tried “everything” and you're still suck, try focusing on a good balanced finish. It's working for my daughter; it worked for me; I hope itworks for you as well (well, not you, Craig).

Cheers!

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Golf Boys

2011-10-24T14:20:00.000-07:00

This video speaks for itself

Dick's

2011-10-23T00:44:00.000-07:00

There’s one name in golf that never fails to bring out the adolescentin me and that’s Dick’s. Every time I hear it referenced I chuckle a little. Every time I drive to the mall and see it onthe top of the building in 10 foot high letters: DICK’S I grin. I’m stupid thatway. But I’ll bet half of you reading this, when you saw the title of the post,thought something similar.

Have you ever been to a Dick’s? I went three times this yearand every time I had a similar experience. What I found is Dick’s is not just aname, it’s an attitude. The first time I went to a Dick’s I was with mydaughter. We were looking to buy her first set of clubs. We saw two salespeople sitting behind a counter looking at a computer screen. When weapproached the counter we were promptly ignored. When I finally broke the coldshoulder and asked where the kids clubs were the workers looked at me like I’djust farted. “Over there,” one of them said in a disgusted voice while waving hishand in a vague direction. Both employees then continued looking at thecomputer screen. Facebook I’m guessing. Walking away from the counter I knewexactly where the hand had waved -- in the direction of another golf shop.

The second time I went to Dick’s was out of boredom. My family and I were at the mall shopping andwhen we passed the Dick’s I told my wife I was going to go check out some golfequipment while she looked at shoes (or something like shoes, it was all a blurat that point). My daughter went with me and we proceeded to go directly to thegolf section. Oddly, even though there were customers milling about I noticedthere were no sales reps on the floor. But sure enough, there were two salesreps sitting behind the same counter looking at a computer screen. What do theyput on the computers at Dick’s anyway? My daughter and I looked around a bit and aftera while she took a putter and was messing around on the small puttinggreen in the middle of the showcase. She’s actually a pretty good putter if Isay so myself and she certainly wasn’t out of line in anyway. Want to know howto get the attention of a Dick’s employee? Have your kid start putting on theputting green. Within 30 seconds a sales rep was there glaring first at me,then at my daughter, then back at me. Ok. Strike two. I put the golf glove andUniversity of Oregon towel I was going to buy back on their shelves and we left(maybe the employee was an Oregon State fan).

The third time I went to Dick’s was with my wife anddaughter. We wanted to buy a golf cart and we knew we were going to spend a fewhundred bucks to get a good one. After my last two experiences I wasdisinclined to go to Dick’s but my wife had a 15% off coupon so we went. Ok,you’re not going to believe me, but once again, we found no sales reps on thefloor but one was sitting behind that damn counter. I wanted to ask somequestions about the carts before buying one (I have a 2 seat convertible so Iwanted to see how compact different models could get and how easy they were tofold and unfold). I went to the counter and I asked the employee if I could getsome assistance. The employee was actually friendly and told me to wait by thegolf carts and he’d have someone over there shortly. After ten minutes ofwaiting no one showed up. We left and dropped our 250 bucks elsewhere.

I once went to a restaurant in San Diego called Dick’s. Thetheme of the restaurant is that they treat you poorly and you throw wadded uppapers at the waitresses to get their attention. Being a dick is part of thefun. Apparently Dick’s is bringing this idea to the sporting goods industry. I hopecorporate is happy to learn that their employees are living up to their name.

But even with all that, the next time I hear, “The BigBreak is brought to you by Dick’s” I know I’ll chuckle. I just can’t help it.

Cheers!

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Bad Golf Movie

2011-10-21T23:07:00.000-07:00

How did this movie ever get released without me in it? How did I not see it? Stay tuned for a review:

handicapped: a documentary about bad golf by West Town Productions

Cheers!

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U.S. Kids Golf

2011-10-20T15:51:00.000-07:00

OK, I knew I was bad, I just never realize how bad I really was. This year I finally managed to break 100*. In fact, in my last four rounds my scores were all between 95 and 100*. I’ve been very proud of this. I finally started thinking I might be a real golfer. Until I saw this…

My scores wouldn’t even qualify me to play in this tournament in the girls 10 and under division. I guess I need more practice.

To find out more about the U.S. Kids Golf Foundation click here.

*This is a personal note for my nephews (whom I often golf with): I'm admitting, yes, I took a mulligan during those rounds (OK, 2 mulligans -- one per 9), but I'm still counting it as breaking 100 so shut-up.

Cheers!

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Welcome to the Relaunch

2011-10-13T22:29:00.000-07:00

Only a really bad golfer would attempt to relaunch their golf blog in the middle of October when the fine, sunny golf weather has turned grey and rainy. But hey... that's me. Yes, it's been a while since I've posted on here but I'm back. I hope to be posting at least a couple of times a month so don't be afraid to subscribe or follow me (hint, hint).

If this is your first time here, please look around. There are a number of old, but still relevant posts. I recommend that you look at the favorites. There are some pretty good articles there if I say so myself.

If you're wondering why you should bother with this site, well check this out. Ok, now I'm just bragging. But hey, I'd trade some of my writing ability for some golfing ability. Can someone put in a good word for me with the muses and the golf gods please?!?

To get things started I pondered why people play golf anyway. That led me to the post, Why we play. Check it out and see you soon.

Cheers!

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Why We Play

2011-10-13T22:24:00.001-07:00

Golf. The word itself elicits feelings from deep within. Golf. It’s hardly fun but during every round the game redeems itself. With every round there's that moment; that moment when the ball is struck with perfect precision and flys at your will. You stand like Thor with a hammer club in your hands, your arms raised high, your chest puffed out, and the energy of life itself flows throughout your body. Golf. Not even a game really. More like an elusive state of being. Four hours of torture punctuated by moments of sublime contentedness.

And in those moments -- those moments of clarity where you see the subtle break of the twenty foot putt and know you've made it before even striking the ball – life meets sport and a single Sunday second fulfills you for another week.

That and the beer cart girls.

Cheers!

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Corny Golf Jokes

2007-03-06T08:44:00.000-08:00

A gushy reporter told Phil Michelson, "You are spectacular, your name is synonymous with the game of golf. You really know your way around the course. What's your secret?"

Michelson replied, "The holes are numbered"

Buh-dup-dum

A young man and a priest are playing together. At a short par-3 the priest asks, "What are you going to use on this hole my son?" The young man says, "An 8-iron, father. How about you"?

The priest says, "I'm going to hit a soft seven and pray."

The young man hits his 8-iron and puts the ball on the green. The priest tops his 7-iron and dribbles the ball out a few yards. The young man says, "I don't know about you father, but in my church when we pray, we keep our head down."

Buh-dup-dum

Police are called to an apartment and find a woman holding a bloody 5-iron standing over a lifeless man. The detective asks, "Ma'am, is that your husband?"

"Yes" says the woman.

"Did you hit him with that golf club?"

"Yes, yes, I did." The woman begins to sob, drops the club, and puts her hands on her face.

"How many times did you hit him?"

"I don't know, five, six, maybe seven times..... just put me down for a five."

Buh-dup-dum

A golfer teed up his ball on the first tee, took a mighty swing and hit his ball into a clump of trees. He found his ball and saw an opening between two trees he thought he could hit through. Taking out his 3-wood, he took another mighty swing; the ball hit a tree, bounced back hit him in the forehead and killed him.

As he approached the gates of Heaven, St. Peter saw him coming and asked, "Are you a good golfer," to which the man replied, "Got here in two, didn't I?"

Buh-dup-dum

The bride came down the aisle and when she reached the altar the groom was standing there with his golf bag and clubs at his side.
She said: "What are your golf clubs doing here?"

He looked her right in the eye and said, "This isn't going to take all day, is it?"

Buh-dup-dum

I'll be here all week. Tell your friends.

Cheers!

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Golfing in Taiwan

2007-02-26T10:36:00.000-08:00

Before my trip to Taiwan my mother-in-law told me that she had friends who golf every day and I was invited to go with them. You can't imagine how happy I was. Normally when I got to Taiwan I spend my days sitting around the house watching CNN or table tennis championships on ESPN until the men come home from work. But this trip would be different. On this trip I'd be golfing.

Now, in America, we have this saying that starts "If something sounds too good to be true..."

Strike one - To begin with, it wasn’t every day; it was every weekday, Monday through Friday. I could live with this, I mean, it’s still golfing five days a week for three weeks, and in January. Come on, whose gunna complain about that.

Strike two – The course is not a regulation par 72 course. It’s an executive course, par 60, with seven par threes and two par fours. It’s also a nine-hole course, but you play it twice for your eighteen (and my hosts like to play thirty-six holes). Still, I’m not complaining, golf is golf and this will give me an opportunity to work on my mid-irons. I’m still psyched.

Strike Three – My hosts tee off at 5:30 in the morning, every morning. That’s not funny -- that’s going a little too far.

But still, I’m a trooper, I want to golf, so I agree to go. Therefore, two days after arriving in Taiwan, I found myself waking up at 5:00 am (which is 9:00 pm Pacific Time – so my clock was all screwed up) preparing to golf with people I can’t talk to.

My hosts, who I’m introduced to as Mr. and Mrs. Lin, pick me up at 5:20. They are a very friend husband and wife around sixty years old. He is a retired state Senator. They smile a lot and know how to say “Hello” and “Ok”. Our conversation goes something like this:

Mr. Lin: Hello
Me: Hi, nice to meet you.
Mr. Lin: Ok.
Me: Ok?
Mrs. Lin: (smiles)
Mr. Lin: (picking up my golf bag) Ok, ok. Hello. (Laughs).
Me: Ready.
Mr. Lin: Ok.

The drive to the course takes about 15 minutes. Chinese music plays on the radio and Mr. and Mrs. Lin chatter in Chinese. “Wow,” I think. “If I didn’t golf I wouldn’t be having this experience right now.” Then I look out the window into the still dark morning and wonder if that’s a good thing.

When we arrive at the first tee its still dark. There are a group of about twenty people between the ages of fifty and eighty stretching, farting, jabbering, and laughing. I’m still trying to figure out how I got here. After fifteen minutes of the pre-game ritual, Mr. Lin says “Ok,” and it’s off to the first tee.

“Ok,” he says, waving his hand, indicating that I have honors. I look out into the dark and think, “What the …” Mr. Lin smiles, points, and says, “E-by-san-woo.” I know enough Chinese to interpret that to mean 135. I just don’t know if that’s yards or meters. Yikes.

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My Daughter Golfing

2007-02-14T13:26:00.000-08:00

Here's a video of my daughter golfing on her 2nd birthday. I have to fix that cross handed grip. The over under on when she beats me is 13. Place your bets!

Stay tuned, a posting about golfing in Taiwan is right around the corner.

Cheers!

Rob

The Off Season

2006-11-03T09:25:00.000-08:00

I'm tired. That's all I can say. The time has changed and it's now dark when I leave work. Even if I sneak out early there's no time for golf. Plus the rains have started. It's all very depressing -- it's officially "the off season".

On the plus side I've learned that there's a range with heated stalls not too far from my house. This year I took my driver and three wood out of my bag. I'm going to start researching drivers and buy one. Then I'm going to spend this off season working on the driver. That will be a nice bonus next year.

So I doubt I'll have a lot to post about over the next few months. However, in January I'm going to Taiwan and I will be golfing with my wife's uncle at a couple of incredible courses. I'll make sure to post about that.

Cheers!

Rob

Buy a Little History

2006-10-20T09:14:00.000-07:00

If you've got an extra couple of hundred dollars laying around, tomorrow at 11:00 Freeman's Auction House will be auctioning the Tom McNamara golf collection. Some items are very cool and within the price range of most duffers.

Here's a few items The Bad Golfer will not be bidding on:

A Pietzcker coloured photo, depicting Walter Hagen,inscribed Walter Hagen, and further inscribed PGA - 1921-24-25-26-27; USGA Open, 1914-19; Western Open, 1916-21-26-27; French Open, 1920; British Open, 1922-24-28-29,50.3cm x 40.4cm
Estimate $5,600-7,700

A black and white group photograph, depicting Tom McNamara, Francis Ouimet and two other golfers, seated on the ground with golf clubs, 11.8cm x 17.1cm; and another depicting Tom McNamara standing with three other golfers, 19.5cm x 24.6cm (2)
Estimate $750-1,300

A black and white photograph depicting Gene Sarazen, holding the claret jug and the US Open trophies and inscribed, 'To Leo McNamara from his friend Gene Sarazen', and signed, image size 28.3cm x 22.2cm
Estimate $940-1,700

But here's a couple I might try to lowball:

The Professional Golfers Association of America, 1973 Club Professional Championship Contestant money clip

Estimate: $200 -$ 300

A Hyde Imperial, 'Woodley Flier 27 1/2' mesh pattern gutty ball
Estimate $370-760

You can see the entire collection by visiting the Freeman's Auctioneers Website.

Cheers!

Rob

Blog of the Week

2006-10-19T09:52:00.000-07:00

Last week I touted the merits of the blog written by TC the Terrible. This is a well written, very funny blog that’s definitely worth a look. However, the blog has little to do with golf. This week I'd like to tell you of a blog that is just fantastic and is totally about golf. In fact, right now I'd say it is my favorite blog on the web.

The blog is called The Reluctant Jam Boy. It's written by a professional caddie named Tom. Rock Hudson putt: looks straight, but isn't. - The Reluctant Jam BoyThe stories he tells are laugh-out-loud funny and crafted in a way that will keep you coming back for more. You'll read stories about how he played a practical joke on his customers, how he tries to handicap his customers by the clubs they have, caddie lingo that's hilarious, and the recent entry, worthy of a spot in Sports Illustrated, is a great piece about a tournament he caddied in and his insecurities about reading the greens.

My favorite posts on Bad Golf are about my game on the green. If I'm lucky I play once a week. Now that the weather's turned that will be much less. But Tom's out there every day. He has a variety of loops to write about. And boy does he picks good ones.

Cheers!

Rob

World's Greatest Golfer

2006-10-17T19:58:00.000-07:00

Take a look folks. If you think that picture looks like Kim Jong II, the leader of North Korea, well, you're right, it is. But he also happens to be the world's greatest golfer. Here's the proof:

Rounds Played: One
Hole-In-Ones: Five
Score for 18 holes: 38
Score relative to par: -34

With all the news about North Korea this week, I was all set to do some serious reading on the net when I came across this gem. Then I was all set to write a great post about it, but someone beat me to it. I can't write it any better than the folks at Duffer's Golf Club did, so you might as well read their article. If you want to read a more serious article that mentions the golf game check out the article Gulag Nation by William C. Triplett.

Cheers!

Rob

This is Kind of Cool

2006-10-17T15:47:00.000-07:00

I really appreciate all of you who read my blog. You're obviously smart and discriminating. Therefore, I thought I share with you this little tidbit. Here is a map of the last 100 readers on this blog. If you're a regular reader, you might even find your home highlighted.

Cheers!

Rob

An Honest Response

2006-10-16T13:37:00.000-07:00

The other day I was golfing with my boss. I was shooting great and, as I’ve mentioned in about three other posts this month, I shot a 45. We were sitting on the tee-box for the ninth-hole (a 150-yard uphill par-three) waiting for the foursome ahead of us to clear the green. Adding up the scores we noted that I was at 42 and would definitely break 50 for the front nine. Breaking fifty is always my goal.

Anyway, as we sat there discussing our scores and what club we were going to use on this hole, we were vaguely watching a kid who was about twelve years old hitting his approach shot on eight. He must have had a pretty good tee shot because he was smack in the middle of the fairway looking at about 130 yards to the green. He was standing above his ball, preparing to make the shot with a gray-haired old lady sitting in a cart behind him. The kid took his swing and just totally chunked it. “Fuck!” he yelled. My boss and I started cracking up as the kid stormed after his ball.

We weren’t laughing at him for chunking it. It was his response – so raw, authentic, and unexpected. It was one of the highlights of the round.

Cheers!

Rob

Lost: My Golf Game

2006-10-12T23:16:00.000-07:00

Lost: My Golf Game

If Found, please email IGolfBad@Gmail.com..."I've learned that an Executive Course is a course that has mostly par threes, a few par fours, and is over priced" -- Bad Golfer

So a few days ago I made a post titled A Snowman's Not So Bad After All. Turns out I was right.

Today I got to leave work a little earily, so I thought I'd play a quick nine at the "Executive Course" down the street from my house. The last three times I've played this course I've scored a 37 (par is 29). Today I was bound and determined to score lower than 37. Dare I think I could actually score a 35?

I got paired up with a couple of other golfers and started off terrible. I shot a six on the par-three first, and then went bogey-bogey on the second and third. So coming up to the 125 yard par-three forth, I figured I was in pretty good shape if I could just get it on the green.

But something happened. First, the excuse. As I mentioned I rushed to the course from work, I still had my work shirt on and it was tucked in, tight. I could feel it pull on my back swing. But hell, this was just a little 125 yard nine-iron. That shouldn't bother me. Now, the shot: forty five degrees to the right. I couldn't believe it. It wasn't on the next fairway, it was on the fairway beyond the next fairway. But still, it should have been an easy chip shot to the green. Wrong! The chip shot when over the green. Then two more chip shots over the green and I finally found the soft stuff laying five. At this point I was so flustered, I four putted. That's right, I took a nine and a par-three 125 yard hole.

The guys I was playing with felt so sorry for me they marked it down as a seven. At the end of the round when we were adding up our score, they had me a 44. "But you only gave me a seven on the fourth," I said.

"Ok," said the old guy, "You can have two more strokes if you want them."

I took 'em.

So, my last four nine-hole rounds have been: 37, 37, 37 (on the par 29 course), 45 on a difficult par 36 "real" course, and then a 46 on this par 29 course. How's that for consistancy?!?

Cheers!

Rob

Colin Montgomerie Golf Course Management

2006-10-11T22:59:00.000-07:00

It was announced yesterday that Colin Montgomerie has been chosen to design an 18-hole Tournament golf course for the Riffa Golf and Residential Development Company in The Kingdom of Bahrain.

My prediction -- he'll choked on the 18th hole and it will end up looking like this:

Unplayable Lie

2006-10-06T22:38:00.000-07:00

In case you don't read the comments on this site...

First, I suggest you do. I appreciate anyone who leaves a comment and they are all worth reading.

Secondly, in the comments on my post regarding Mitsuhiro Tateyama, Greg from New2Golf mentioned that Tateyama should have declared an unplayable lie. Well, I am a bad golfer and don't know all the rules. If it seems unplayable kick it out and then lie about it. Now that I'm getting better I'm starting to count all my strokes, including out of bounds. So I guess "unplayable lie" will no longer mean If it seems unplayable kick it out and then lie about it.

By the way, if you want to read more about golf, check my blog roll and the sites I mention. They have some great stuff on them. The New2Golf site has an excellant article on beginner's tips, and Golf Nomad has some great videos of Michelle Wei on a Korean TV show that are very funny.

Cheers!

Rob

A Snowman's Not So Bad After All

2006-10-03T22:50:00.000-07:00

Since this is a blog about bad golf, I'd be remiss to ignore this gem.

Next time you're on the course marking that snowman on your scorecard, think of Mitsuhiro Tateyama. A couple of weeks ago Tateyama, who's ranked 72 on the Japanese tour, was playing in the Acorm International at the at the Ishioka Golf Club. Here's how his hole went in the opening round, on the 225-yard par-three eighth:

Tee shot: ???
2nd shot: Hits the rough on the front of the green.
3rd shot: Opps. Over the green into some bushes. Ouch the ball is stuck in the roots.
4th - 17th: Hacking the ball out of the roots.
Eighteen shot: On the green.
Ninteenth shot: In the hole.

That's right, a 19.

"My mind went completely blank. I just wanted to get the ball out of there."

- Mitsuhiro Tateyama

(I know the feeling Mitsuhiro)

On the bright side, at least he didn't break the JGTO record. That belongs to Norio Suzuki who, at the 1987 Tokai Classic, accidently recorded his ninth hole score as 42 -- now that sounds like something I'd do.

Cheers!

Rob

Speaking of Bad Golf...

2006-09-26T10:33:00.000-07:00

How 'bout that US Ryder Cup team? Sheesh!!!

I Must Be Mental

2006-09-25T19:21:00.000-07:00

I must be mental because the folks at Golf Mental Mastery have contacted me and are now a (assumedly proud) sponsor of the Bad Golf Blog. Also, the folks at Golf Mental Mastery are so confident in their product they are sending me a copy of the Golf Mental Mastery CD which I will tryout and review in a future article.

Now keep in mind, I'm a bad golfer, and I'm proud of that fact. But that doesn't mean I don't want to get better and this year my game's made big improvements. So far I've focused on clubs and lessons -- physical aspects of the game. I'm excited to take it to the next level and see if some mental conditioning also helps me cut a couple of strokes off my game.

Now here's the caveat, they are a sponsor of this page. So how can I give their product an honest review? Well, it's not like they're Disneyland and I'm ABC for christsake. I write this blog because I enjoy it and I get feedback from my readers which encourages me. This blog is also good for my mental game because if I'm having a crappy day on the course I just think: "Well, at least I'll have something for the blog." So, I'm not in it for the money. They're confident in the product, I want to cut strokes off my game. In a win-win world it will work and I'll love it and it will get a glowing review (which some of you cynics will be skeptical of) and they'll continue to sponsor the site. In the meantime, I think you should support them for no other reason than they're supporting me. So, if you're interested in helping your mental game out and in a round-about way supporting the blog, don't wait for my review, check out Golf Mental Mastery for yourself and let me know what you think. Maybe we'll have different opinions.

Cheers!

Rob

Golfing With Children

2006-09-23T17:44:00.001-07:00

I was going to comment on TC the Terrible’s comment on my last post, but then reconsidered because what I have to say is worthy of another article (BTW, if you get a chance, check out TC’s blog, it is very good).

This post is about golfing with children. And I don’t mean take them out and show them how to swing and have a great day bonding type of golfing with children; I mean sneaking out of the house to get away from the incessant noise and demands type of golfing with children. That is, how to get out there and golf, even though you have other responsibilities. And this, my friends, has been my problem of late.

Here are the problems I’ve faced in trying to get out to the golf course:

Work
Rain
Football (I’m a Seahawks season ticket holder – even though I’m really a Raider fan – so Sundays have been shot).
Family (wife and kid) responsibilities

I’m not going to get divorced or lose my job for golf so I can’t do anything about one and four; I’m going to buy some golf rain gear so I should be able to golf in the rain in the near future; and after this Sunday the Seahawks don’t have another home game for three weeks, so that should help as well.

Even with these obstacles (sorry, honey, I didn’t mean to call you an obstacle, but you know what I mean), I’ve found some time to take my clubs out of the trunk, but I’ve had to be creative. I’ve been going to the driving range at lunch but the big bonus was finding an “Executive” course (so called I assume because it has seven par threes, two par fours, and is overpriced) about two miles from my house. This way, I can sneak out of work a little early, play nine holes, and get home before my wife misses me. But here’s the problem:

I’m hitting the ball better than ever!!!

With my new clubs, a few swing adjustments I’ve made from articles I’ve found on the web, and learning how to do a “pitch and run”, my swing is consistent and I’m scoring low. The three times I’ve played this “Executive” course I’ve ended up five over par. For me, that’s fantastic. I was three over the last time I played but I double boogied the ninth after my chip shot from 5 feet off flew over the green. I’ve been hitting better than ever at the driving range as well.

In the past, I might have a good day, but never two in a row. Now I’ve had a half-dozen or more good days in a row without ever stepping on a “real” course. So I’m dying to get out there and see what I can do. I have a feeling that that ninety I’ve been dreaming about is within range.

Cheers!

Rob

Noooooooooooooooo!

2006-09-15T08:50:00.000-07:00

It happened already. I had a 5:07 tee-time last night and it got rained out. This will be my second winter after moving to Washington from California and I can't believe the season is almost over. And it will continue to rain until June. I'm going to have to buy some rain gear. So I guess you all are in for a treat -- posts about golfing in the rain.

An In-Depth Look at Steroid Use on the PGA Tour

2006-09-14T10:52:00.000-07:00

I was reading an on-line article by Ron Kroichick in the San Francisco Chronicle the other day on the whole golf/steroids scandal. In the article, Kroichick lambasted PGA Tour Commissioner, Tim Finchem for saying the PGA does not plan to drug test golfers. Kroinchick takes exception to this, saying:

Baseball is awash in tainted home-run hitters over the past decade, the NFL might strengthen its testing program in the wake of the Carolina steroids scandal, track and field is littered with fallen stars and the winner of the Tour's premier race, tested positive.

And later in the article he states:

Many, many athletes use performance-enhancing drugs.

Those athletes come from a wide variety of sports.

Fame and wealth are powerful lures.

I couldn't agree more. Steroid use is obviously rampent on the PGA Tour. Let's examine the proof. I have here before and after pictures of the top five golfers in the world.

While the images speak for themselves (and prove the point that the PGA Tour must begin testing immediately) I can't help but add my comments:

First Case - Tiger Woods

Tiger woods before taking steroids responds to a little boy who asked for his autograph.

Tiger woods after taking Steroids reacts to a little boy who asked for his autograph.

Second Case Jim Furyk

Jim Furyk before taking steroids. An easy going smile. A nice man without a care in the world.

Jim Furyk after taking steroids. Notice the hate and anger as he charges into the gallary to punch a photographer for snapping a shot in the middle of his backswing. An obvious response from someone who cannot control himself due to the extended use of steroids.

Third Case - Phil Mickelson

Phil Mickelson before steroids. A nice slim handsome man.

Phil Mickelson after steroids. Notice the extra bulk. That came from somewhere!!!

Fourth Case - Vijay Singh

Vijay Singh before Steroids. A nice manner, in control of his emotions. Smiling and laughing with the gallery.

Vijay Singh After Steroids. Unable to control his emotions due to excessive use of performace enhancing drugs, Vijay finally breaks down.

And, I present to you the most compelling evidence that steroid use is out of control on the PGA tour, especially among the younger players...

Fifth Case - Adam Scott

Adam Scott in a photo montage of his swing, prior to steroid use.

Adam Scott bulked up on steroids.

Need I say more?

Cheers!

Rob

The Golf Gods Strike Again

2006-09-11T11:14:00.000-07:00

I was playing a round with my brother the other day. When my brother and I play against each other it’s very competitive. We’re equally bad at golf and we are competitive by nature so we don’t just want to win, we want to kick each other’s butt.

On the first hole, a par four, I pared and he got a double-bogey. On the second hole, a par five, he pared and I got a double-bogey. So stepping up to the par three third we were both two over. Both of our tee shots landed on the green, about 12 feet from the pin. I two putted, he 3 putted, so again I was winning. Stepping off the green my brother said to me, “You’re short game's getting a lot better.”

“Yeah,” I replied. “Since I got this new putter I haven’t three putted yet.”

And that's when it happened. Somewhere in Golf-God Land, the Golf Gods were minding their own business. I can picture it: There they are, long robes flowing, practicing pitching on some perfect range. When suddenly their peaceful retreat is broken by a loud thunderclap and they hear my voice, like the voice of a baseball announcer over an intercom. “Yeah,” they hear. “Since I got this new putter I haven’t three putted yet.”

I can see them look at each other, rub their hands together, and laugh.

So on the par five fourth, my brother's on the green in four. The green is tiered and the hole is on the upper tier. I'm also laying four, but my ball's on the fringe, also on the upper tier about 10 feet from the hole, so it should be an easy two putt, right? Wrong.

My first putt goes below the hole, catches the slope of the tier, and rolls about fifteen feet down the green. I scorch my second putt about eight feet past the hole. Now I’m above the hole, on a downward slope, and I tap it too hard and it again rolls passed the hole, and continues rolling so my next putt is almost the same as my second. I two putt from there for a total of five putts and a score of nine for the hole.

And the Golf Gods get a belly buster before looking for the next fool to dare challange their domain.

Cheers!

Rob

Join The Bad Golf Mailing List

2006-09-11T11:05:00.000-07:00

I receive a number of emails from people asking me when I’m going to post again. I admit my posts are sporadic. I’m going to continue to write articles, but I can’t promise to write one a week. I’ll try to write at least one a month, but this is a hobby of mine – something I do when the mood strikes me.

I appreciate all the interest you’ve shown in my writing. To make things easier for you, I’ve decided to start a mailing list. Whenever I publish a new posting I’ll send a quick email to the mailing list letting you know. Then you won’t have to check the blog until you receive an email. I will not use the email address for any other purpose.

So, if you’re interested in receiving an email when I publish a new post, just send an email to IGolfBad@gmail.com and let me know. I’ll be happy to take you off the list at anytime.

Cheers!

Rob

Good Golfers are Liars!

2006-07-31T10:16:00.000-07:00

So, where have I been for 14 months? I hate to admit it but I moved from one of the finest places to play golf, the central coast of California, to one of the wettests places on earth, Vancouver, Washington. In the last 14 months I've: had a baby, quit a job, accepted a new job, moved, bought a house, and suffered through a Northwest winter. But I'm back golfing and writing, so hold on to your hat, here goes:

Good golfers lie. That's it, bottom line. They are big fat liars because they don't want you to become a good golfer. They love laughing at you; they relish ridiculing you; they treasure tormenting you. Trust me, I know, because if I become a good golfer, I will. I'll lie to your face and laugh behind your back. But since you're reading my blog, I'll explain...

After not golfing for over a year I went out and played 9 holes with some people at work. I found that laying off for a year didn't hurt my game at all, as I shot a 67. This isn't including my 3 whiffs on the first tee. It was nice to know that I could quit for a year and start where I left off. The next week I went out for another 9 and shot a fantastic 62. Wow, improvement.

I was playing poker on line and had a run of luck and won some money. So on a whim I decided if I'm going to get back into golf, I'm going to buy some new clubs. What the hell, why not? I've resisted buying new clubs in the past because every time I've read a golf blog or news group regarding clubs all good golfers will jump on the thread and proclaim: "Save your money! Get lessons! Clubs don't matter! Save your money! Get lessons! Clubs don't matter! Save your money! Get lessons!" Clubs don't matter!" Or, for a real fun lie, "I only have a set of 1200 dollar clubs because I can afford it and they're pretty. They don't really help my game." For six years I've believed their lies. I've invested hundreds of dollars on golf lessons, only to see my scores go from the mid-120s to the mid-120s. My goal has always been to break 100. I will admit after some lessons I would see a dip in my score, maybe I'd shoot low 12os. But nothing close to 100.

Still believing the lie, but with some change in my pocket and a "What the hell" attitude, I started researching clubs. After a few days I thought I was going to buy a set of TaylorMade Rac OS2s. I went to 4 golf shops before I found a salesman who seemed to know golf and didn't act annoyed at all my questions. He spent a couple of hours with me and had me try a number of different clubs while taking all kinds of measurements. I ended up purchasing a set of beautiful Callaway Big Bertha '06 irons for about six-hundred bucks. The standard set is 3 - PW, but after some discussion he took out the 3 and threw in the SW.

I went out with my boss on Sunday to play 9. My first outing with my new clubs. I pared the first hole. I shot a 52 while 3 putting 6 times. From 150 yards in I was deadly. My favorite shot was an 8 iron from about 130 yards out. It was an extreme uphill shot, and the green was protected by sand traps. My shot floated beautifully toward the pen, just clearing the traps, and landed "like a butterfly with soar feet" on the green. It gives me chills thinking about it.

I'm going out again today and Wednesday. I'll give you an update. But for now, I can say with some confidence:

Don't believe the good golfers who want to keep kicking your butt on the golf course. CLUBS DO MATTER. Yes, invest in lessons, but get the best clubs you can afford. Trust me, you won't regret it.

Cheers!

Rob

Badgolf Interviews Tiger Woods

2005-05-18T08:37:00.000-07:00

You can’t believe how excited I was when Tiger Woods agreed to give me an interview for the badgolf blog. But, when you think about it, he missed a cut. Where better to give an interview.

We met at a Burger King in downtown Monterey; just a stones throw from Pebble Beach. Tiger wore a black Nike cap, black Nike pullover shirt, and black slacks. He look relaxed and calm as we sat in a bright orange booth seat to have a chat.

BGB: Tiger, I want to thank you so much for agreeing to this interview.

TW: No problem, Rob, anything for you.

BGB: So, Tiger, how did it feel to miss the cut in the Byron Nelson last week?

TW: Guess how much money I have.

BGB: Huh?

TW: Go on, guess.

BGB: 75 million?

TW: Way off.

BGB: More than God.

TW: Closer.

BGB: But getting back to the point of this interview, Tiger, how did it feel to miss the cut?

TW: Have you ever seen my wife?

BGB: Uh, well, only in pictures. But I want to talk about your performance last week in the Byron Nelson, and how it felt when you missed the cut.

TW: uh huh.

BGB: Well?

TW: Well, what?

BGB: You’re not answering my question.

TW: Yes I am.

BGB: You are?

TW: Of course I am. Are you stupid or something? Aren’t you listening? Read the transcript. This interview is over.

Cheers!

Rob

How I Beat an Idol

2005-05-11T23:58:00.000-07:00

When I was a kid one of my idols was my big brother. He’s eight years older than me and when he was in high school he was a regular sports stud. Not only was he the quarterback of the football team and the catcher on the baseball team, but he also led the basketball team to become state champions. After he graduated the Baltimore Orioles drafted him in the third round, but instead of pursing a baseball career he went on to play basketball for the University of Utah on a full athletic scholarship. And as a kid I wanted to be a sports star just like him. One problem: He’s 6’4”; I’m 5’9”. Ah, fate…

He’s a good guy, my brother. Our relationship now isn’t so much of big brother – little brother, or idol and idolized, we’re really just friends. Good friends. Even though he’s in Washington and I’m in Central California, we make sure to cross paths once or twice a year; usually we meet for an NFL game – Raiders or Seahawks. Last year on one of our rendezvous we had a few hours to kill and we ended up at par 3 18-hole golf course, renting clubs and preparing to play golf together for the first time. Now, I’ve never beaten my brother in any sporting activity. But this is golf. I’d been practicing. And size doesn’t matter…

The first hole was 155-yard straight shot. Since these were rented clubs I pulled out a 7-iron and thought I’d just hit an easy one, just keep it on the fairway. Over swinging is one of my big problems and the easy-swing mentality lent itself well to my smashing my first shot within 3 feet of the cup. Oh, my big bro knew he was in trouble then.

But my bad golf tendencies emerged and the two of us mostly flounder around the course. He drove further and straighter than I but had absolutely no touch around the green, which kept me in it. After 18 holes we added up the score and what do you know -- we were tied. What are two competitive brothers to do? Well, play another 18 holes of course.

After the 14th hole of our second round I was up 6 and feeling good. Then I proceeded to 3 putt 15, 16, and score a 7 on 17 and we were tied again. On the 18th hole my brother’s drive hooked and landed within a few feet of another twosome. Neither of us had called fore and while I couldn’t see the expressions on their faces, the gestures with their fingers told us all we need to know about how they felt about the misguided shot. Well, I proceeded to slice my drive and we both figured to have a chip to the green. But as we walked down the fairway something was wrong. My brother’s ball was missing. We looked all over for it and couldn’t find it. “Those bastards took my ball,” my brother kept saying. “They took my ball!”

“You should have called ‘Fore’,” I kept replying. That and, “Lost ball, one stroke penalty.”

“It’s not lost, it was stolen,” he said. “What’s the ruling when a ball that gets swiped?”

“All I know is that it’s lost,” I said.

“I could hear them laughing as we walked up, they took the ball.”

“You should have called ‘Fore’.”

On and on we bantered while my brother frantically searched. After ten minutes he finally had to concede, the ball was gone. He took the Penalty and re-teed. He hit a nice shot to the fringe. We both chipped on. I two putted; he one putted. So he took a 5; I took a 4. And that, my friends, is how the bad golfer beat one of his childhood sports idols in a 36-hole match by one stroke.

Cheer!

Rob

Blog in the Washington Post

2005-05-09T22:34:00.000-07:00

Hey all,

Just thought I'd mention that the blog here got some attention. It was mentioned in an artilce in the Washington Post. Click here if you're interested in reading it.

I'd like to thank Craig Stoltz, the writer of the article for his kind words about the blog.

Now, if I could learn to golf as well as I write!

Cheers!

Rob

Mother's Day Surprise

2005-05-09T11:25:00.000-07:00

I’ll never understand women. As loyal readers to this blog know, my wife and I recently had a baby. What you don’t know is we tried for over 5 years to get pregnant. After such an ordeal my wife was very, very happy and excited to become a mother. And she is a great mom. I’ve never once seen her lose her patience or get frustrated, even at three or four in the morning when she’s up feeding or diaper changing she’s enjoying herself, laughing and giggling with the little tyke.

So her reaction was really surprising when yesterday morning – her first mother’s day – I brought her a lovely bacon and eggs breakfast in bed and told her: “Today, I have the greatest mother’s day present you could ask for. I’m going to give you the entire day alone with Cierra while I go golfing.”

I hope egg doesn't stain.

Cheers!

Rob

The Artists

2005-05-04T10:30:00.000-07:00

So I’m out at “De La” again and I get paired up with a guy who comes across as very shy. He has stooped shoulders, and is very quite. His set-up matches this personality as well, kind of stooped and funny looking. In his bag he has all wood woods. A throw back. We don’t start really chatting until around the 4th hole. Turns out he’s an artist, and a struggling one at that. He told me he uses the wood woods because he can get them used and cheep. We discuss the age old question of time verse money. He loves being an artist and working from home and being in control of his time, but he hates the fact that he’s poor. But the more we talk and the more he tells me of the courses he’s played (Pebble Beach included), the more I’m thinking, “I should be so poor.” And then he tells me he’s going to Arizona next weekend (this was about a month ago) to catch some Giant’s spring training games. Geez! What’s all this lack of money talk! I mean the guy sits at home, works when he wants, plays golf all over California, and hops in a plane to catch some b. ball for the weekend.

He’s an artist who uses wooden clubs. He should be using them for aesthetic reasons, not because they're cheep!

Cheers!

Rob

The Old Man, the Artist, and the Househusband

2005-05-01T22:55:00.000-07:00

This kid thing is hard. I mean, it’s a joy and all that, but it leaves little time for the other important things in life like golfing or blogging about golf. So once again I start a post with an apology for not posting. I was this close (thumb and finger held forward) to letting this blog die but when I logged on to my email and saw so many wonderful comments I decided (with my wife’s blessing), to put concerted effort into the blog. So here goes (and thanks)…

The old man, the artist, and the househusband.

DeLaveaga Golf course – which is right up the street from my house -- is still under construction and still allowing unlimited golf for 10 bucks. So during the last couple of months, I’ve had the opportunity to sneak out of the house and play 9 holes three times. The first time I played I started off alone, which was fine, because it allowed me to really test the limits of SortaGolf. I took 2 mulligans on the first tee (there was no one behind me), improved my lie on the fairway, practiced chipping for about 15 minutes when I got close to the green, then three putted.

As I was teeing up on the second tee, in the distance I saw the figure of an elderly gentleman tugging his clubs down the first fairway and waving his hand. I looked around but I didn’t see anyone around. He continued to wave and walked faster when he noticed that I noticed him. When he was within earshot he yelled out, “Hey, I hate playing alone, mind if I join you.”

I was torn, but what are you gunna say? “Of course not,” I yelled back.

When the guy ambles up next to me I figure he must be pushing 70 and he just trudged the entire fairway of a short par five at a pretty good clip, and I’m more out of breath from bending over to tee my ball then he is. He was a nice guy though. For the first few holes I was playing pretty even with him. He was straighter and shorter than I, but I was hanging in there and making some good recovery shots. But somewhere around hold six it all started to go bad. I was spraying my shots like a blind machine-gunned. But I had a good time with the old guy. Turns out he’s actually 72, retired, plays 3 times a week, and is very proud of the fact that he doesn’t take one pill. And he credits golf to his good health. He also taught me about drool. Well, not drool, actually, DRUL -- Downhill Right, Uphill Left. And you know, I think it really works that way.

After we finished the ninth hole he asked me if I was going to join him for another nine (during the construction, only the back 9 is open for play). I told him I had to leave and that I need to take another lesson before I played again. “Forget the lesson,” he told me. “Save your money. You know how to hit the damn ball. You have a pretty good swing. It’s obvious that you’ve already had lessons.”

“Yeah,” I said, “but look bad I am.”

“You just have to get used to making good shots,” he said. “Go to the range, take your 9 iron, and hit a whole bucket with it. You can hit the 9 ok. Just keep hitting that 9 all day long and groove a swing. Then, when the 9 is grooved, try the eight. Hit ‘nuthin’ but the 8 until it’s grooved. And keep going. Spend your money at the range or on a course.”

Good advice, I thought. I tried it. It worked pretty well. I got that 9 grooved, and the 8 and 7 too. Then I got to my archenemy, the 5 iron, and before I knew it I was talking to my pro.

I had a lesson on Saturday.

Well, that’s it for the old man story. Check back this week and I’ll finish up with the artist and the househusband, two fellows I played with at “De La” recently.

Cheers!

Rob

My Most Embarrassing Shot

2005-01-25T13:03:00.000-08:00

Around 10 years ago my boss invited me to play a round of golf with him and his boss, the CEO of our company. At the time I was just picking up the game and playing with my antique Wilson’s. In my naiveté, I accepted his gracious invitation. So one beautiful Saturday morning I found myself trucking through the Connecticut countryside looking for some country club, the name of which I have long since forgotten.

I arrive at the country club a few minutes before our tee time and rush to the first tee. My boss and the CEO were standing there with a slight sheen of sweat from the bucket they’d hit at the driving range, sipping a Samuel Adams. Hitting a bucket before you play, I thought. Now that’s a good idea.

Catching my breath, I had the chance to look around and quickly realized this wasn’t your average public links course. Behind me loomed the large turn-of-the-century mansion turned pro shop, like a watchful sentry guarding the peaceful countryside. The golf course spread before me like some green magic carpet bordered by oak trees sporting the beginning buds of an early New England spring.

Since it was early spring, and such a beautiful day, the course was crowded with dames and dandies like this Arizona bumpkin had never seen. I swear to God, it was like a movie. I heard the old Sesame Street song running through my head: “One of these things is not like the other, one of these things just doesn’t belong…” and I realized the one thing I was thinking about was me.

We were the next group to play, so we stepped up to the tee box waiting for the foursome in front of us to hit off the fairway before teeing off. The CEO gave me the honors. I placed a tee in the ground and whipped my club around in some awkward effort to warm up. I noticed that the practice green was to my left and too close to the first tee; the foursome playing behind us were standing together in casual chat, glancing at me. All in all, including the starter, who was friend of the CEO’s, I’d guess there were 10 or 12 people watching me as I addressed the ball.

Well, I took a breath and did it! I swung with all my might. And I hit that damn little ball hard. Real hard. The only problem was that I topped it bad. Real bad. The ball rolled with some vicious velocity at about a 20 degree angle to my right. We were playing the white tees and the ball rolled fast and hard, right toward the red tee maker some 20 yards in front of me. As if in slow motion I saw the ball hit the red tee maker with a loud thunk, shoot up in the air in a beautiful arch backwards, heading right for me. I was frozen, I couldn’t move. The ball floated, floated, floated, and then landed thunk, right in front of me, damn near on the tee it had previously been sitting on. I mean, I didn’t have to move to take my second shot. And then, like a razor cutting through the soft skin of an apple, laughter cut through the soft spring morning. Laughter echoing off of sentry pro shop, rolling through the budding oaks, traveling down the country lanes, fading only when in reached my Arizona home town itself.

Everyone on the practice green stopped motionless to view the source of such merriment; patrons stuck their heads out of the pro shop window; my boss and the CEO were literally on the ground, holding their sides in painful joy of my painful embarrassment. And all I can say is, “It’s amazing I still play this game.”

Beat by a One Armed Golfer

2005-01-18T10:11:00.000-08:00

Why do I pay these high California rents if it's going to rain for an entire month? Because after the rain the sun comes out and it is beautiful outside. So this weekend I found myself in the middle of January golfing in 70 degree weather. Ahhhh….

I wanted to get home in time to see the football playoffs, so I decided to go to an overpriced but very nice nine hole course in Scotts Valley, CA. I got paired up with a threesome and I have to say I'm always leery when I get paired up with guys that are drinking beer on first green at eight o'clock in the morning. But there I was…

I started out pretty good. I had the best tee shot of the group on the par four first and was left with a nice little chip to the green. I muffed it and then proceeded to three putt to start with a double bogey.

On the way to the second tee one of the guys showed me his finger. Seems about three weeks ago he closed it in a garage door. The nail was black and the finger looked like hamburger. He was golfing with one hand. And it was pissing me off because he kept beating me.

I mean, I didn't golf too badly. I ended up with 5 bogeys and 4 double bogeys. But hole after hole, if I bogied, the one-armed golfer pared, if I doubled, he bogied. Over, and over, it never failed. Geez, I got my butt kicked by a one armed golfer. How sad is that. On the plus side, I don't have to worry about renaming my blog.

Cheers!

You're a Lightweight and So Am I

2005-01-11T13:49:00.000-08:00

So, you think you’ve played in some pretty extreme conditions, huh? I know I do. The worst conditions I’ve played in were just a few months ago. The golf course, DeLaveaga, is under construction. Because of this, they told me I could play all day for ten bucks. And because it was raining, I thought I'd play 9, but I couldn't stop. Then after 18, I just had to play another 9. After 27 holes my shoes and pants were caked with mud, my windbreaker was soaked through, but I was in the zone - pounding the ball like never before, and I had the course to myself, so I kept going for another 9, playing a total of 36 holes.

But I’m a light weight.

And so are you.

Unless of course you’ve played in The World Ice Golf Championship in Uummannaq, Greenland.

Which I haven't.

It seems there’s this hotel owner by the name of Arne Neimann in ol’ umm…, umm…, Uummannaq, who thought it might be a good idea to build a golf course among the giant icebergs of Greenland and then, well, why not, hold a tournament. And, as they say, “If you build it, they will come.” And come they have. From all over the world brave golfers ascend to Uummannaq to play in a 36 hole tournament over 2 days some 300 miles north of the polar circle.

The course is a little shorter than most, the holes a little wider, the balls are bright orange, and the greens are not greens at all, but, well, “whites”. Now if you ask me, that's golf to the extreme.

The next World Ice Golf Championship is in March, 2005. Go for it! Maybe some day I will.

If you're interested in more info, check it out by clicking here.

Cheers!

I'm as good as Vijay

2005-01-10T09:17:00.000-08:00

I can’t believe it. I’m as good as Vijay. At least for one hole. This weekend at the Mercedes Championship at Kapalua, Maui, Hawaii, Singh was in the lead during the final round. He had completed a string of 57 consecutive holes at par or better when he bogied the par four fourth. Of course that doesn’t make me as good as Vijay. But then came the 13^th hole. They call it The Low Road, and Vijay certainly took the low road in playing the hole. It’s a 407 yard par four and Vijay did something unfamiliar to him, but something I am more than used to. He pulled his tee shot into the two-foot high grass and lost his ball. Welcome to my world, Vijay. Singh went on to score a triple bogey 7 on the hole.

If I played this hole from the professional tees I’d be lucky to shoot a 7. But I could do it. I contend that if I played that hole 10 times, at least 50% of the time I’d shoot a 7 or better. This is what I love about golf. I suck, but on one hole, I’m at least as good as the best player in the world 50% of the time. There is no other sport and I can attempt to duplicate what a professional has done, and do it as good as they did even once. But in golf I can. If you think I’m full of BS, you can offer to fly me to Maui and I’d be happy to play that hole 10 times to prove my point.

Cheers!

The All American Golf Experience - NOT!

2005-01-07T10:42:00.000-08:00

So my wife (bless her heart) signed me up as a member of the USGA through a subscription we had to Golf Magazine. I was pondering my game (or lack thereof) and once again returned to the idea that better clubs would mean lower scores. When wouldn’t you know it, USGA had apparently sold my contact information to a flim-flam organization presenting itself as “All American Golf Experience”.

They told me they were “testing” clubs and as a member of USGA, I was eligible to become one of their field testers. They would send me a set of clubs which I could use for 90 days. For my part, I agreed to play at least once a week with the clubs and at the end of 90 days I would ship the clubs back in the pre-paid package. I also agreed to spend 1 hour with their golf club technicians answering questions about my experience with the clubs. “Great!” I said, “Sign me up.”

So I spent about an hour on the phone with them as they took down some measurements (my height, weight, how many inches from the tips of my fingers to the floor, etc), discussed my golf game, and got my address. Finally, when I thought we were done, they asked for my credit card information. “Why?” I asked.

“This is just to insure that we get the clubs back. We bill your credit card for $990.00 dollars and then, at the end of 90 days, you can choose to keep the clubs or send them back for a full refund." And being the stupid bad golfer that I am, I gave them my credit card number.

About a week later the clubs arrive. Now, I’m such a bad golfer I couldn’t really tell if they were any good. But I did notice all the nice labels imbedded in the club heads fell off. An All American Golf Experience representative called me a few days later and asked me if I received the clubs. They also informed me that for every person I recommended to them who also “tested” the clubs, I would receive 10% off the price. If I got 10 people to “test” them, I would get the clubs for free. So much for the perks of being a USGA member.

To make a long story short, at the end of 90 I called them for my 1 hour conversation. It turns out that conversation was not with their golf club technicians but was really a 1 hour talk with their high-pressure sales department. In the meantime, I’d been reading a number of posts in news groups about people who fell for this scam, returned the clubs, and never got their credit cards refunded. I figured I didn't want to send the clubs back and end up empty handed, so I negotiated a price of $250.00 for the clubs. The agreement was that I would keep the clubs and they’d refund my credit card $740.00. It took about 9 months and 20 phone calls, but they finally did process my refund.

I still have those clubs and I still use them. I’m still so bad I don’t know if they’re any good, but on the bright side, no one laughs at me when I’m at the driving range (see previous post).

Cheers!

Welcome to Bad Golfer

2005-01-06T11:23:00.000-08:00

No doubt about it, as a golfer, I suck. I often feel cursed that the Gods would infuse me with an un-quenching love for a game that I’m so good at being so bad at. I’m 44 years old and as a kid I was fairly athletic. In high school I lettered in football and track. I’m also a pretty good juggler, so I have hand-eye coordination. Why then, I ask, can’t I get a handle on this silly game?!?!

I started golfing about 10 years ago when my boss invited me to go to the driving range. I picked up a set of Wilson clubs at a yard sale and began playing about once a week for the next year. Ignoring the advice of old-timers to take lessons before I “learned” any bad habits, I was intent on teaching myself the game. After that year I was still shooting in the 120s, or, let’s say, to high to count. On the plus side I succeeded in learning some bad habits.

After that I didn’t play for a number of years. About three years ago I picked up the game again. Pulling the old yard sale clubs out of storage I went to the driving range and started wacking away. Some hacker started laughing at me so I asked him, “What’s so funny?”

“Your clubs,” he answered. “They should be in a museum.”

“Ah ha,” I thought. “That’s my problem. I need new clubs.”

So I promptly went to Costco and bought a brand new set of Golden Bear clubs; found a little par three nine-hole course near my house which is great for a beginner; and learned that the clubs were definitely not my problem. Eventually I talked my wife into playing and bought her a set of Golden Bear also. So, every weekend we set about doing our chores and always ended up at the par three course. Last year we took lessons and I got better! My wife got pregnant and stopped playing, which was fine with me because now I can go out to real eighteen hole courses and play. Of course, playing alone means I get hooked up with others. And I suck, so that’s often funny.

I signed up for another 6 lessons and have only taken one. Since then I still haven’t broken 100 but I’m close (not including mulligans). So maybe I’m not sucking so badly.

In this blog I hope to chronicle the trials and tribulations of a bad golfer trying to get better. Check back. Future posts will include:

How I got ripped off buying my next set of clubs.
Playing alone and getting hooked up with golfers who don’t suck.
My most embarrassing shot ever (it’s a doozy).
And future experiences I have at the course, range, or taking lessons.

Also, feel free to post yourself. However, any SPAM postings will be deleted.

Cheers!